When you're up against it - something unexpected or long avoided - talk to someone about it - perferably youself. I make it possible for you talk to yourself first. You deserve to know what you want before you make decisions, involve others or risk what needs to be done.
The first advantage of talking to me is that I just listen with respect and curiosity: no judgments, expectations, pressure or anything else that can obscure the situation.
Second advantage: I want to really understand what you are saying, again, without any other motive, expectation or belief about what you are saying. As I listen, I carefully check out whether I understand. Most often I don’t, so I’ll tell you what I heard, I got or guessed from what you said. Then you can correct me, helping me to better understand what you are saying. That allows you to also hear what you’ve said or how it might sound. The real value is that you can keep helping me understand what you’re saying until suddenly you’ll say, ‘Yes, that’s what I mean.’
Third advantage: When you say ‘yes, that’s what I mean’, an ‘aha’ or the odd chuckle occurs, as you hear and understand something that truly matters in the situation you’re dealing with. Often my clients hear something they’ve never heard from themselves before. They have created an insight that did not previously exist, able to experience their situation differently and safely.
Fourth advantage: My role is possible only because it doesn’t matter that I am helping you. I'am not important to the process, only you are. Only you make it possible, keep it going, work at it and finally say ‘Yes, that’s what I mean’. All of it is said in confidence, safely out of earshot of anyone who matters to your situation, so you can be wrong, angry, fed up, exhausted or any other thing that prevents you from saying it clearly. Often the things that can hurt your best intentions talking too soon to those who really are important in your situation.
Getting it right before we say it: All of us are afraid of honestly communicating to others: first because we're not sure of what we think about it ourselves and second we fear how they will react. If we say the wrong thing, we fear they could be hurt, or angry or use it against us, make it more complicated or difficult than it's meant. So getting it right for ourselves first, we figure out what we mean and what we want to feel confident when we share it at the appropriate time with the appropriate people. The most important thing I do is help clients take themselves into their own confidence and caring
. Often, their insight is profound, a glimpse into their heart’s desire, their deepest values and aspirations. They suddenly make sense of things. It can be for the day it happened, just the situation they’re dealing with right now, or, for all of their tomorrows - that’s up to them.
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